I was looking for the “Holy Grail” of marijuana-infused drinks…something that was easy to make in just one step (no decarboxylating allowed), that would work efficiently enough to be cost-effective, and wouldn’t smell up the kitchen. Something like firecrackers, except for liquid refreshments.

I think I got it.

For food to work well with cannabis, it generally has to have enough fat and it has to survive heating to properly infuse it. That last part is the bane of dairy drinks: even though whole milk has plenty of fat, heating it up generally causes curdling or bad taste or whatever.

But then I thought about what I use to make all my capsules with, which is coconut oil (because it’s basically all fat), and I realized that people are drinking coconut milk these days (in fact, a lot of them are drinking coconut water too, but that has no fat whatsoever). Since coconut “milk” actually has no actual milk in it, you can heat it without hurting it a bit.

So I tried two methods of making this, and they both worked! And even though one method uses a microwave oven, it won’t really save you any time, but it’s neat that it works at all. I’ve really tried to make this as simple as possible…no special tools or wacky procedures. You can buy coconut milk almost anywhere these days, not just in health food stores, and it’s even affordable.

Old Hippie’s Canna Coconut Blaster

Ingredients

1/4 gram cannabis (one medium-sized nug)
6 to 8 oz. coconut milk (not coconut water!)
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. parsley (optional)

Directions

Grind your weed, or crush the cannabis between your fingers until it’s effectively powdered. Now use either heating method A or B, then go to “Cooling”.

Heating method A:

Pour cannabis into a microwave-safe mug. Add coconut milk. Heat in microwave three times for 20 seconds each, cooling off 30 seconds between cycles (it boils over quite easily otherwise).

Heating method B:

Pour coconut milk into a small saucepan and heat on stove. When it starts boiling, immediately reduce power to around “3” (be prepared to take container off heat instantly; it boils over quite easily) and add the cannabis. Keep it simmering for 5 minutes.

Cooling:

Let it cool off at room temperature for 30 minutes (the extra time at higher temperature is necessary to extract as many cannabinoids as possible), then put it in the refrigerator for another 30 minutes (or add ice), as it tastes terrible warm. Now stir in the cinnamon, and drink it. Be warned, it also tastes pretty bad cold, but the cinnamon will help immensely. You will also get clumps of ground weed in your drink, but that’s easier to deal with than trying to filter it out anyway.

Neither method smelled like weed at all! So if you add the cinnamon (for taste) and perhaps some parsley flakes (to disguise the weed), you should be able to make this in your kitchen right in front of your grandma or whoever (as long as you prepare the weed somewhere else and maybe premix it with the parsley).

What Happened To Me

This wouldn’t be an Old Hippie article if I didn’t give you all the juicy details, would it? I was excited over the prospect of a microwavable drink, and apparently I was so focused on making this stuff that I forgot that I had just eaten dinner an hour or so beforehand. You guessed it…by bypassing the First Pass Effect, I let myself in for an underwhelming [3]-level experience for an hour or two, to be followed by a very sudden unexpected launch to [9.5] three hours (almost to the minute) after initial ingestion.

It’s kind of rare for me to be so high that I can’t even sleep, but this was White Widow. Too high to write, too high to sleep, too high to exercise…too high to even sit doing nothing, because I kept thinking my nose was running or face was bleeding or something.

So I sat in the living room watching old Popeye cartoons (made before the Marihuana Tax Act of 1937!) off YouTube until I felt better. Then I attempted to go to bed, but our sick cat was hungry, so I got him some chicken and then apparently left the container of chicken out overnight, which Felicity grimly informed me of this morning (since she just cooked this latest batch for him yesterday…and $5 worth of chicken breasts don’t grow on trees!).

I don’t think it was because I was high, because I rarely have memory problems for that reason. I don’t even think it was because it was 3 AM. I think it was because I didn’t turn the kitchen light on and did everything by flashlight…if the room light had been on, I would have seen the container sitting on the counter before going back to bed. Sigh.

So anyway, tonight I came up with the stovetop method B. I believe this works much more efficiently, because this time I used only half as much as last night but still got quite decently high (I drank it with dinner, which makes it work normally). Most people aren’t nearly as sensitive as I am or have such great weed, so I’m recommending you start with 1/4 gram (for the record, I only used half that amount). No more than that your first time though, this really works!

The cute little pot I used (seen in the video below) is technically a butter warmer, but you can also use similar items like a frothing pitcher or Turkish coffee pot. Or just a small saucepan.

The whole idea of using coconut milk is to avoid the things that happen to dairy milk when it gets heated like this. It also keeps a bit better, in case you want to make a bunch of this at once. If you do make a batch at once, be sure to shake it every time before drinking!

You can also use this technique with other non-dairy “milks” such as soy milk, almond milk, etc. as long as they have at least 4 grams of fat or so per serving. It should also work with cream of coconut (the stuff people use to make things like piña coladas from), since there’s no actual dairy cream in there either, just coconut. I’m not sure what would happen if you drank a piña colada made with cannabis-infused Coco Lopez, but I bet one of you will let me know!