So there I was, heading for the refrigerator for turkey or something. I had been sitting at my desk for hours, quite focused on doing some writing and web programming, and I had forgotten all about that fun activity known as “eating”.

This was bad, because apart from any of my other medical woes, I have this odd little condition called an esophageal spasm. For most people, it’s triggered by very hot or cold food, but for me, what seems to set it off is when I haven’t eaten protein in the past three hours or so. I’m pretty sure I went for four. Stupid, I know, but there you are.

Anyway, when this happens, 9 times out of 10 I just shove some food in my face, maybe burp a few times or gulp uncontrollably, and that’s all.

That tenth time, though…that’s the toughie.

When it doesn’t go away, I have to forcefully inhale very thoughtfully, because otherwise I feel like I’m losing my breath, which starts making me panic. And then I have to rustle up a nitroglycerin pill (how handy that I have to carry them for possible angina attacks) and stick it under my tongue. The nitro apparently relaxes the smooth muscles in the body, which helps not only blood vessels but also the esophagus problem. So in 15 to 30 seconds, the spasm is gone.

Well, apparently this was my tenth time of tenth times, or something, because it still didn’t go away.

So I took another nitro pill, which felt stronger, and gave me the characteristic “shit, I better sit down” feeling due to my leg muscles relaxing, lowered blood pressure making me dizzy, or whatever.

But the spasm still wasn’t going away. And I was starting to worry. If this went on long enough, I would have breathing problems, and that could lead to heart problems, and that would not be good.

I was breathing very loudly now, and very deliberately, because I had to breathe in when I could, between the spasms. This had started half an hour ago already, and I was starting to seriously think about calling 911.

When I think seriously, sometimes I get very creative. And I thought of one other thing I had around that had the potential to relax muscles quickly.

You guessed it.

But there’s no way I could even operate my vaporizer the way I was feeling, and all I had in there anyway was Sour Diesel, a sativa which wouldn’t be nearly as useful as a relaxing indica right then. I saw something else in my drawer, though…a bottle of Green Dragon that I had made from Purple Kush!

So now I stuck something else under my tongue: the dropper. I timed it so I wouldn’t squirt it down there while I was trying to inhale. It burned like hell, but then so did the nitroglycerin. And I gave it another shot for good luck.

And guess what…30 seconds later, the entire spasm went away for good.

Cannabis, baby…is there anything this stuff can’t do?!?!!