Katching Up With the Kushashians

Sigh. Life isn’t always easy, even when you think things are going pretty well. Or some would say…especially when you think things are going pretty well.

I haven’t written anything here in about six weeks, not because I didn’t have anything to write about, but because I’ve been overthinking again, I guess. I felt like I had my depression well under control, and we had just finished a successful trip to the High Times SF Medical Cannabis Cup. I had taken some decent photos and gotten some great material for lots of articles.

And then a bunch of things happened. First, I uploaded a set of pictures the first night I was back and proudly posted them to /r/trees — as if I was on some deadline and couldn’t wait to finish an article about it here — but literally nobody saw them. That hurt my ego, so to get back at myself I didn’t write an article.

Now I was feeling sorry for myself, but then Felicity came down with some mystery ailment involving a lot of pain, swelling, and several visits to the doctor over a few weeks. I’m hoping to write about our approach to this particular new challenge, because it involved much higher doses of Canna Caps than we ever thought we’d be dealing with. But although she’s finally getting back to normal and it wasn’t anything actually serious, it really stopped her from most all normal activities for a solid month at least. And it took a great deal of my time and energy too, in terms of caring for her, helping her figure out which capsules to take when, doing chores around the house for both of us, etc.

All this made me feel even worse, because I lose a lot of my hope and self-esteem and drive when my love and partner is sick, and part of me felt that I should have been able to take better care of her (I’m notoriously hard on myself). So I fell back into some old mental habits and patterns, such as a writer’s block like I haven’t seen in over 30 years, and then beating myself up for not writing a number of articles I had promised would be finished many weeks before, which of course led right to the same kind of depression I was dealing with 5 years ago.

Then I decided I would write this article to explain it all, and I’ve been staring at that blank screen for over a week now.

So it was just this evening that I said to Felicity…”Hey! You know what, I’m depressed again and back to a lot of my old habits, and all I’ve been doing has been taking heavy indicas to numb myself so I could fall asleep, so what I should do is go Back To Basics and help myself feel happy again, so it’s Sour Diesel and Kiva chocolates for me!”

Well, I did procrastinate like hell after that anyway, but then again…I got this article done in one sit-down. So things are definitely looking up!

About Old Hippie

http://gplus.to/OldHippie Old Hippie is a father of two boys and thankfully living in California where all this kind of thing is legal. He started smoking marijuana in 1967 in high school, experimented with mind-expanding drugs of all kinds, and then straightened out 15 or so years later to become an airplane pilot. After being diagnosed with depression in 2000, he lost his job and most of the following decade to prescription medications (such as antidepressants) which sapped his energy and will. Finally, a chance conversation with a friend led to a doctor’s recommendation for medical marijuana (MMJ). This changed his entire life, health, and outlook for the better. BeyondChronic.com is his continuing story. It’s also his way to provide experienced advice on using medical marijuana effectively and responsibly, as well as advocacy, activism, and support for others. Old Hippie teaches about safe use of cannabis edibles, Canna Caps, vaporizers, dosing, and even microdosing.


It’s good to know that you’re able to help yourself having been through this before. I wish you both of you good luck and don’t beat yourself up!

This article is about a year old, so I don’t know if you’ll notice this post, but I just read it and could totally relate. I know everyone experiences depression differently, to some extent, so I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I felt like I did :) From someone else who struggles with chronic depression, don’t be too hard on yourself!! The fact that you are functioning and able to help your spouse is AMAZING. Every single things takes more effort when someone has depression, and we tend to forget that, especially, as you said, when we’ve been doing better for awhile. Make sure you still take time for yourself, to rest and recharge, and remember to congratulate yourself for everything you DO get done in a day (instead of just thinking about everything you didn’t do that you wanted to/felt you should do). Also, I find your blog amazingly helpful, thanks so much.

Dear OH;
Stumbled (quite happily!) on your site just an hour ago, merrily researching away and found this post. Had to reach out to you personally.
I have only recently discovered the Wonderful World of Num-Nums, as we call it. And it truly is wonderful! I have chronic physical pain and anxiety/ depression up the wazoo….PTSD, Panic Disorder, DDD….every letter in the damn alphabet, I think! And I’m sure you know the feeling of “ya gotta laugh”.
But as a Survivor (not a victim anymore), good ol’ Mother Marijuana has been my companion and solace for years. As I’m growing older I’m finding smoking less enjoyable and edibles far more agreeable on many levels. Who’s gonna hassle an old lady eating cookies?
I’m going to try the little dipper cannabutter recipe today, and would like info about subscribing to your site.
Meantime, remember you are not alone, Brother. It’s a daily battle we wage….and maybe we can’t always Win, but we can sure as hell run for the money.
Keep writing!
Your Friend,

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