I am very gratified that so many people love and appreciate my cannabis cooking recipes ( How To Blast Off with Nutella Firecrackers is currently closing in on There’s No Such Thing As Marijuana for the top all-time article here). But I figure that almost everything can be improved, so that’s why I came up with this impossibly cool recipe for Pot Pizza. What so great about it?
- It takes less than a minute to prepare.
- It’s totally stealth. You can’t smell it, and you could eat it right in front of your parents (or your kids!) without them knowing.
- It’s almost foolproof.
- It’s made from freaking pizza, one of the four basic food groups, so it causes and cures the munchies simultaneously!
As I’ve taught my kids, there’s almost always a “catch” to everything and there’s one for this too. Pot Pizza just doesn’t work with weed right out of the bag, so to speak. You have to use AVB (and since I just realized I’ve actually somehow never written an article about the amazing stuff known as AVB, I just did!). But if you don’t have any, never fear because my AVB article even tells you how to make some (you do actually need some cannabis for this…).
Here’s how to do it and why it works. You’ll need:
- 1/2 teaspoon of ABV (Already Been Vaped). If using decarbed weed, only use 1/4 teaspoon!
- one slice of ABC pizza (Already Been Cooked)
See, pizza is cooked at 400°F or more, and that temperature is high enough to vaporize all the THC right there in your oven. On the other hand, raw cannabis doesn’t work well in your body because it has to be heated hot enough to decarboxylate first, but that takes a relatively long time.
So, by simply reheating some already-prepared pizza in your microwave, we’ll be able to use AVB (which has already been decarboxylated by virtue of your vaping it) at a high enough temperature (to mix it with the fat in the cheese) but a short enough time (to avoid vaporizing off any more cannabinoids).
How I Did It
Sprinkle your AVB on your slice as if it was oregano (in fact, feel free to add some oregano too). If you have pepperoni or other toppings on your pizza, pull them off temporarily, because you want the AVB directly contacting the cheese.
Now heat the slice in your microwave oven for about 20 seconds (for thin crust) or 30 seconds (for thick pizza, as shown in the photo). You want the cheese hot enough to just start melting (again as shown in the photo); if it isn’t, try bursts of 10 seconds until the cheese melts.
Now eat your pizza, and do something else for awhile. I’ve kept a log (below) of exactly what happened to me the first time I tried it, so you can see why it’s important to wait for at least two hours before you even think of trying another slice. In fact, in subsequent experiments I’ve even felt surges of highness up to four hours after eating Pot Pizza. I think it’s the cheese physically getting around the AVB goodness, and slowing down or causing “pockets” of digestion. And don’t forget, it’s an edible (duh!), which means the entire experience will last 4 to 6 hours or more.
Don’t mess with the actual dosage of weed on the pizza unless you really know what you’re doing, because (a) too much of this will taste bad (b) it’s easy to take way too much if you don’t measure carefully (c) this way nobody can get the “wrong” slice by mistake.
And yes…if you keep your AVB in a discreet little container, and measure it properly, you could just sprinkle it on a slice of hot pizza in a restaurant or pizza place. I mean, that will work, but if you get caught doing this in public, don’t tell the cops “Old Hippie said it was cool”, because that won’t work the way it used to
Ate pizza at 8:20 PM. A bit of a headache after about 45 minutes. The cheese will slow digestion so it may take longer to kick in than normal. My edibles/capsules generally take 45 minutes to an hour on a reasonably empty stomach.
9:35 PM: Getting seriously smashed [6 and rising], just started a few minutes ago. A very indica feeling Well WTF u think, it’s had all the THC removed. Headache gone, but head not staying upright
11:00 PM: Second wind, just got 2 levels higher! Maybe from the pieces that were wrapped up in cheese, so took longer to digest. Whoo! Feels like a more “balanced” high than before…more like normal, but no sativa-type anxiety even though I am at least an  now.
3AM: Watched an old movie, plus new episode of Wilfred…twice! Still high as fuck, going to bed.
And I woke up high around 1 PM!