And by trip, I mean I hit [13].

Yes, folks, I done it again. And by “it”, I mean I once again ventured forth to Magnolia Wellness for Uncle Buck’s by now surely world-famous cannabis cooking class. But this time he wasn’t cooking anything. He was making smoothies, using protein powder and blueberries and honey yogurt and some instant smoothie mix, and oh yeah, his own devastating cannabis oil. Now all I have to do is figure out how much he used. Too much, is my guess. (Update: Uncle Buck says 2 teaspoons per person).

He was using blueberries because this is Men’s Health Week and you’re supposed to wear blue. Or drink till you’re blue in the face. Or something.

Well, anyway, it was a very nice and educational class. I was trying to be good so I let the first round of drinks pass me by. But then the second came around, and I figured I would just have half a cup. And then I think around the third, he put bananas in. Did I mention that someone said I should have more potassium for my health? Someone I can’t even remember, but I remembered that bananas had a lot of potassium so I drank that one for my health. And then he said only one more so I had to get that, didn’t I? And then it was the end of class so I had to get home before the smoothies kicked in.

Unfortunately I didn’t. But I did stay straight enough to drive (just around a [5] for me) until I got to my own street. Luckily I know my own street pretty well, because by the time I parked I was [8] and climbing fast.

I quickly realized (after several minutes of removing my shoulder bag from my head and one of my legs) that I wasn’t going to be in shape to do much of anything productive for awhile, so I figured I’d sit in front of my computer and watch Archer videos. But I got uncomfortable when Archer had a painful Johnson accident, so I decided to just pause the thing and leave for awhile. Pressing the space key I could handle, but standing up was suddenly quite difficult so I quickly decided I was going to get the hell to bed before I fell down or something.

So I got in bed after winning a brief battle with most of my outer garments, and immediately started laughing hysterically at…absolutely nothing. Trying to lay down was even funnier because I kept thinking I was going to float away. I was also hearing angels singing and various other odd sounds. I had a few brief moments of real panic when I interpreted every bodily twitch or feeling as a sign that Something Bad was happening to me again, but I fought it back with Science and Logic just like Peter Dickenson in The Flight Of Dragons.

Luckily, after this brief slightly insane and scary peak (about 15 minutes) I was able to sleep through the worst (or best) of things. Then my wife came home, and after an hour or two (not really that long, but I was having severe time distortion during all of this; everything seemed 3 or 4 times slower than usual), she finally showed up in the bedroom and could instantly tell I was stoned out of my mind.

She’s good at stuff like that, and she can always tell what to do, which in this case was nothing because none of this was bothering my heart in the least, so I was OK. Anyway, I tried listening to music for awhile and sleeping again when I suddenly realized I could eat food! So I ran to the kitchen (OK, I walked slowly and mostly sideways, still way over [10]) and made myself all kinds of tasty food things to eat. But still small portions because I’m supposed to be on two or three different diets.

And then I watched this old black and white movie, but I didn’t finish it because after about 2 1/2 hours, it was still building up to the middle. When I turned it off, I saw that it was really a two hour movie and I had only seen 55 minutes.

So I went to bed and slept like a log or other giant piece of wood, and felt great all day even after only around 8 hours of sleep. And I think I had enough cannabis in those smoothies to not only send me more than halfway to the moon, but also to perhaps finally get my cannabinoid levels where they belong…because today I seem to have lost all my tolerance again! Or maybe I’ve just stayed high all day.

So now you know that by “it”, I really meant that I once again ventured forth to Magnolia Wellness for Uncle Buck’s cooking class, and ate too much too soon. But like in most of my previous adventures, I lived to tell the tale!